A LETTER TO MY YOUNGER SELF
Or tips for fiction writers who are struggling with feelings of self-doubt and need to boost their confidence.
Dear 25-year-old Nick
I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that you’re going to do it, kid. You are going to write your novel. It’s going to take you longer than you’d imagine, but you’re going to crack it. You’re going to successfully create a plot that works. You’re going to dream up a cast of characters to drive your story forward. And you’re going to get to say lots of things along the way that matter to you about life, love and death.
So take heart, kid. Because even though it feels like you’re going in circles, it’s going to happen. And I’m going to tell you how you’re going to do it. I’m going to show you how to grow in confidence, get organised and succeed. Before I do, though, I’m going to have to give you that bad news I mentioned, OK?
The bad news is this. The book you’re going to write isn’t the one you’ve been working on. You know, the one about the midget bag thief who also deals drugs? I know you think it’s great, I know you’ve put a lot into it, but sorry kid, it’s just not going to happen.
The trouble is the premise. The premise is… well, the premise is shit. A novel about a person of restricted height (as we say these days) who steals luggage and slings gear? What were you thinking? Maybe lay off the old ganjaroo and try writing straight instead. No seriously, writing a novel requires self-discipline and focus. You need to have more respect for your craft.
HOW TO BEAT YOUR HOODOO
I’m not writing any of this to knock you, kid. In fact, that’s the last thing on my mind. I’m writing this because I need to be honest with you. Because being a writer can be tough. In fact, the day you finish your novel you’ll tell your loved ones that writing it was the hardest thing you’ve ever done. And that will surprise them, because without wishing to spook you, kid, I’m sorry to say there’s a lot of hard shit headed your way. Painful stuff that’s ultimately going to help you write this thing you’re going to write.
Before any of that, though, you’re going to need to tackle your lack of self-belief. Sure, in public you’re very good at putting on a tough-guy act. But we both know that deep down there are times when you’re paralysed by self-doubt. That it grips you so tightly that sometimes you feel like a fraud. Like a mug. Like a worthless idiot. Your dream is to write a book, one that’s as good as all those famous ones you love. But there are days when the self-doubt gets so bad you can’t even pull a good sentence together. When all you can do is sit and stare out the window wishing someone would appear and tell you how to beat this hoodoo. It’s why I’m writing this letter because I’m going to tell you how it can be done.
EMBRACE YOUR SELF-DOUBT
Yep, you read that heading right. Embrace your self-doubt. Because it goes with being a writer. It’s a vital to the ride. And what’s more, anyone who’s ever written, painted, stood on a stage or sung a song that bares their soul has felt that same self-doubt, too. And that means you’re not alone in this, kid. In fact, it means you’re in great company.
So embrace your self-doubt. Embrace that nagging voice in your head, the one that says, ‘What the hell are you doing? Nobody will believe this nonsense you’re writing. You’re not a child, for chrissakes. Grow up, you clown!’
Embrace it. Because when you do, you’re going to discover that the negative voice you hear in your head is less powerful than you think. In fact, you’re going to realise that this negative voice is a dick. Or more precisely, that it’s Doubting Dick. That’s the name you’re going to call that voice whenever it plagues you.
UNEASH YOUR IMAGINATION
And though you can’t shut Doubting Dick down, that doesn’t mean you have to believe a word that cockwomble says. Because Doubting Dick only ever speaks of defeat, and the misery he spreads is behind every case of writer’s block in history. It’s why so many of us end up blowing our days blazing up or sitting in bars, talking away the good books we never write.
To really deal with Doubting Dick, though. you’re going to need to unleash your writerly powers upon him. You’re going to have to use your imagination to conjure that fucker up, so that you can see him next to you. So that you can see his scrawny face, his thinning hair and that weak chin of his. The one that goes so well with his cavilling whine. Because I’m telling you now, kid, Doubting Dick is going to be with you for the whole of the ride.
From first draft through to final edit, his pallid hand will tug at your sleeve, as he tuts and mutters, and carps in your ear. At times, he’s going to drive you crazy. You’re going to yell at him. You’re going to bang your fist on your desk and tell him to fuck off. But he won’t, of course. Which is why your imagination needs to own him. Because when it does, you’ll see Doubting Dick as he really is. As the patron saint of failure. As the enemy of hope. He’s the turd in your swimming pool, kid. And though you can’t scoop him out, you can swim around him.
HOW A PLAN CAN BEAT SELF-DOUBT
Before you can finish your novel, you’re also going to need a plan. Now, I know you believe your writing should be as wild and free as the skies, a pure expression of all that rages through your veins. But that’s why your novel about a diddy drug dealer is headed for the did-not-finish pile. Because you don’t have a clue where your narrative is going, much less how your story ends.
Right now you’re what’s known as a pantser – a writer who writes by the seat of their pants, making it all up as they go along. That method may work for some but it doesn’t work for you. Turns out you’re nowhere near as hip and windswept as you think you are. Turns out that you’re the type of writer who needs structures and routines and a process to get the job done. Yeah, the type who needs a plan.
You see, at some point in the future, you’re going to read Aristotle’s Poetics and the bit about stories needing three-act structures is going to stick. You’re going to do more reading around this subject. You’re going to go to creative-writing classes and attend online workshops, and you’re going to discuss it and think about it. A lot.
And when the time comes for you to finally write your book, you’re going to sketch your story out beforehand. The whole damn thing. You’re going to write a summary of each significant scene. You’re going to create a detailed plot outline that’s going to become your guide. You’re going to know how your novel starts and how it ends well before you’ve written it. And you’re going to have a pretty good idea of most of what happens in between.
HOW YOUR CHARACTERS CAN HELP
I say most, because as well as studying plot you’re going to think a lot about characterisation, too. And the characters you create are going to take your story in different directions. They’re not going to change the destination, but they are going to change the route you take to get there.
You see, as soon as you finish that plot outline you’re going to create bios for all the characters you’re going to need to make that plot work. All of them, right down to the bit-part players. You’re going to spend days getting to know them. You’re going to make detailed notes about all of them. Not just what they look like on the outside, but the kinds of people they are on the inside, as well. You’re going to find out everything about them. From what they like to eat, to what makes them laugh. From who broke their heart, to what their deepest fear is or the worst thing they ever did. You’ll know so much about them you won’t be able to stop yourself from writing about them.
Their stories will flow out of you, and you’ll end up with far more detail about them than your reader will ever need to make sense of your story. You’ll have so much of it, in fact, that you’ll spend hours and days cutting it out of your drafts.
Not that any of this will be time wasted. Because something interesting is going to happen whenever you sit down to work. As usual, you’ll consult your plot outline first and it’ll tell you what characters are in the scene you’re writing and what tasks they must fulfil to move your plot forward. Whenever you drop your characters onto the page, however, they don’t behave as you’d expect them to. Because of all that background work you did on them, they do things their own way.
Instead of wriggling, they might run. Instead of throwing a punch, they might blow a kiss. In short, they’re going to rebel. They’re going to pull your story off the nice, clear concreted road your plot outline provides and drag it into the bushes. Then they’re going to push it down unmapped tracks and dusty trails that will astound you.
CULTIVATE YOUR CRITICAL VOICE
As you go on this adventure with them, a different voice will start to chime in your head. One that is critical of your work rather than of your ability or aspirations. One that is useful rather than damaging, one that questions what you write in order to improve it. That’s the voice, you’re going to learn to hear over Doubting Dick. That’s the one you’re going to trust.
And in time, you’re going to see your pile of finished pages growing taller. Until the day comes when you find yourself typing your novel’s final word. And as you do, Doubting Dick will finally fall silent. You’ll have done what he always claimed you couldn’t, and the poor fool will have nothing left to say. He’ll just stand there wringing his hands until you wave him away.
And that is how you will do it, kid. That is how you will one day write the book you so long to write. Because self-doubt is a vital part of being a writer and every writer feels it at some point. And if they say they don’t, well, they’re either lying or they’re not aiming high enough. And you, kid, you’re aiming high. So, keep going. Keep writing. It may take you longer than you imagine, but I promise, you’ll get there in the end.
Much love
Your older self
P.S. Seriously, stop with the doobage. You need to focus. Take up martial arts and meditation instead. Both will do wonders for your self-doubt, too.
The Ninth Death of Zachary Green by Nick Soldinger is now available to buy in paperback and e-book.
For more practical advice on how to conquer self-doubt and overcome writer’s block, see my next post.